Celestiniosity

I have a few words for Senators Obama and McCain this evening.

Dear Sirs,

I watched the Presidential candidate debate tonight, as did far too many of my fellow Americans.  Each one of us wasted an hour and a half of our lives (an hour and a half, may I note, that we could have been cutting our arms with razor blades or smoking crack, either of which would have been more rewarding).  As the people who pay your salaries, people whom you are both fond of saying “deserve” everything under the sun, I want to make it clear that we deserve more.

You were asked some fairly pointed questions, which you proceeded to dance around in favour of saying “lemme tell you what the other guy did”.  You looked right into the eyes of the people asking those questions, and proceeded to demonstrate your best two-step.  When you did pause to wink and toss off anything like a response, you used rhetoric, often word for word, that you had used before.  You might both have been taking lessons from Governor Palin in how to twist a series of words into an incomprehensible structure that avoids even marginally touching on the topic at hand.

Senator McCain, for the first half of the night, I really could not follow your sentence structure, no matter how hard I tried.  I know you are fond of idolizing Reagan, but this is taking things a bit too far.  Senator Obama, I really expect more from you.  “He did it first!” is not an adult response to any question.  I need both of you to understand one thing: if I am beating my head into my desk halfway through your debate, you need to rethink your strategy.  I read politics as a hobby.  This was about as interesting as getting lobotomized with a knitting needle (which means that in the beginning the pain was interesting, but then I blacked out).

Next time I see either of you, I expect you to do what I do every day as a mother: make decisive statements, explain your reasoning, and don’t say it’s all the other kid’s fault (even if it is).   Yeah, I know you have 300 million kids.  But you know what?  You wanted that position.  Grow up and show us you deserve it.