A simple explanation of how the Net Neutrality repeal will affect you (this is about porn, y’all)

I didn’t want to have to go here, I honestly didn’t. After the open comment period on the FCC’s plans to roll back Net Neutrality rulings, I thought I might not have to. A lot of folks out there in America clearly understand what is at stake, and have repeatedly contacted both the FCC and their representatives in Congress to indicate their stance that Net Neutrality matters to them, that a repeal will affect their ability to gather information, to make their voices heard, and to effectively conduct their business in an increasingly internet-dependant world.

This isn’t for those people. This is for the rest of you, the ones going “nerd war, blah blah blah”. You want to know how this can possibly affect you personally. Well, here we go. Let’s talk about porn.

I know you don’t like porn. Nobody likes porn. That’s why it’s one of the top-grossing internet industries: because nobody likes it. But let’s pretend for a minute that you do. Let’s pretend, just for the sake of argument, that you occasionally indulge in some photos or video or even written erotica that might be considered…déclassé in today’s terribly civilized world. This is how a repeal of Net Neutrality might affect you.

It’s been a long day, and late in the evening you’re feeling stressed and desperately need to wind down. You’ve gone through your usual stress-management repertoire (I sincerely do not care if this means yoga or a gun range, y’all…this is an American issue, and it’s time we got inclusive). Point is, it’s 10:00 at night and you’re still wound up tighter than a Chihuahua on amphetamines. Reluctantly, you turn on your computer and go for your last resort: that website that engages you in a way that, for a few moments at least, will let you forget about your mundane stresses and lose yourself in a brief rush of fantasy-filled satisfaction.

Yes, I’m talking about your favourite jack stop. Again, don’t care if it’s a cam girl or Harry Potter “fan fic”. Again, this is America. Let’s be inclusive.

The problem is that when you hit that link…it don’t hit. It loads and loads and the anticipation builds and builds…and continues…and continues…and suddenly you’re watching your cat kick its butt and the site still isn’t loaded and your cat is still licking his butt and your night is blown. In a bad way. And you’re wondering what the hell just happened.

Funny thing is, playboy.com loads just fine. Hustler.com loads fine, too. For that matter, you can Google anything and Fox News and CNN both load like champs. It’s just your favorite porn sites that don’t. What gives?

The FCC has fucked you, that’s what. They have ditched Net Neutrality, which means your internet service provider is now able to charge websites for preferential loading speeds, which means puddingbuns.com can’t afford to compete. Playboy will suck it up and pay for fast loading times, but puddingbuns can’t afford the surcharge, so…they’re back at dial-up speeds for you.

Enjoy your mainstream, corporate-enforced porn, y’all.

You don’t like this future? You better do something, and do it now. Don’t let us be taken back to the dark ages of one-size-fits-all, gas station magazine rack pornography. This is America, and America is about freedom. Freedom means the ability to choose your kink and watch/read it whenever you want. We don’t let anybody choose our kinks for us! Do it for America!

Go here to submit your protest for all those other sad, porn-consuming Americans (who are totally not you):

Call your representatives through https://www.battleforthenet.com/

Sign a petition: http://sign.demandprogress.org/Save/Net-Neutrality

Also, talk to people, share this article, write your own! This does matter, we can win, but only if we all come together and harass the hell out of Congress and the FCC and let them know we’re watching.

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