Have you ever analysed the pattern of the spam arriving in your mailbox every day? I know, most of us have filters that keep the majority of that junk from bothering us..but some gets through, anyway. I actually have an account that I mostly abandoned years ago, simply because I couldn’t find my mail anymore. Now it is the spam tracking account.
A year or so ago, almost all the spam hitting my account was sexual in content. I really enjoyed it. How many different ways can you spell…well, things I probably ought not type out on here. But you know what I’m talking about. I loved reading though the solicitations for “personal web-cam” sites and contemplating the machinations of various penis-enlargement devices. I sympathised with the plight of the half-dozen or so men who sent me their stories of “sexual malfunction” (which had always been cured with some mystery pill), and grinned at their descriptions of the 36-hour “love marathons” which they now enjoyed. I contemplated the statements that all women wanted a “bigger” man, and wondered if I was alone in my disagreement. I thought about all those other folks on the spammers’ lists, and wondered if they worried about the same things my spammers did.
Given the recent push for legislation to improve the health and morality of American citizens, I feel the time is ripe for me to bring up an issue with which I have been becoming increasingly concerned for quite some time. The War on Drugs has done some remarkable things for this country. Hell, if nothing else, think of the revenue it has brought in to our legal system! We may not actually have less people on drugs, but at least they’re more paranoid when they’re doing them. I think legislating to keep people from smoking, even in public, open spaces is a really positive step in assuring the rights of all Americans to have their lungs pink and healthy. Of course, in an open air environment they are more likely to contract skin cancer than they are to inhale enough secondhand tobacco smoke to cause them any physical harm, but if we don’t tell them that maybe they won’t notice. And I, for one, do not want my children exposed to the explicit phallic symbolism of a beautiful woman sucking on a coffin nail. Allowing the insurance companies leeway to impose more and stricter standards as to what they will pay for has certainly done a lot of good, since those who are now unable to afford to go to the doctor will certainly spend a little more time thinking about how they treat their bodies. And if we could just get abortion made illegal, that’ll keep people from having sex, thereby preventing the spread of sexually-transmitted diseases, right? But none of this has gone far enough. None of it addresses the single, number one health care issue in our country: Girl Scout Cookies.