I Hate Babies

**PLEASE NOTE BEFORE COMMENTING***

This article is satire.  That means (in case you can’t be bothered to click the link) that it’s not meant to be read literally.  It’s a comment on many aspects of our culture, but actually has nothing to do with my beliefs about babies.  Which means that if you comment based solely upon the title, without reading the article or thinking about its content, you will simply look like a fool.  As exemplified by most of the previous comments.  Here’s hoping someone out there can be bothered to actually read seven lines of text before blathering.  If you do, you will have restored my faith in humanity.  Thanks.

***END NOTE***

I was reading over one of the terribly predictable unbelievably repetitive many debates about the “moral basis” for and against abortion today, when it suddenly hit me: I suppose I should blame society for making me feel it is not OK for a woman to hate babies. But once I had my epiphany, I have to say everything fell into place, and my position (thus far so terribly hard to justify) was suddenly crystal clear.

Let’s consider this rationally. Babies are not people. If they were people they would have some special clause in the Constitution defending their rights. But they don’t, and so clearly our forefathers recognized their non-people status. Realistically, if we granted babies people status, we would be on a slippery slope to a point where we grant other things “people” rights. Things such as homosexuals, goats, and even cockroaches. It’s a horrifying prospect. We must avoid that future at all costs. Continue reading

Getting On The Terrorist Watch List

After reading a report earlier this week which references various law enforcement pamphlets which detail behaviours of potential terrorists (“If you encounter any of the following, call the Joint Terrorism Task Force”), I was quite naturally inspired to look back over the body of writing I have produced during the last year or so and see how I compare to their profiling attempts. Now, taking the body of work as a whole, I think it is safe to say that I have a pretty weighty terrorist inclination. But if you look at any individual essay, I have to say I come up short. There are ones which repeatedly reference the Constitution, for example, but leave out any mention of driving being a right rather than a privilege. There are places where I state that Americans have the right to bear arms, but neglect to mention that I am essentially a loner. I know that I can do better, and I am here to prove it.

Continue reading