Call For The Ban Of Girl Scout Cookies

Given the recent push for legislation to improve the health and morality of American citizens, I feel the time is ripe for me to bring up an issue with which I have been becoming increasingly concerned for quite some time. The War on Drugs has done some remarkable things for this country. Hell, if nothing else, think of the revenue it has brought in to our legal system! We may not actually have less people on drugs, but at least they’re more paranoid when they’re doing them. I think legislating to keep people from smoking, even in public, open spaces is a really positive step in assuring the rights of all Americans to have their lungs pink and healthy. Of course, in an open air environment they are more likely to contract skin cancer than they are to inhale enough secondhand tobacco smoke to cause them any physical harm, but if we don’t tell them that maybe they won’t notice. And I, for one, do not want my children exposed to the explicit phallic symbolism of a beautiful woman sucking on a coffin nail. Allowing the insurance companies leeway to impose more and stricter standards as to what they will pay for has certainly done a lot of good, since those who are now unable to afford to go to the doctor will certainly spend a little more time thinking about how they treat their bodies. And if we could just get abortion made illegal, that’ll keep people from having sex, thereby preventing the spread of sexually-transmitted diseases, right? But none of this has gone far enough. None of it addresses the single, number one health care issue in our country: Girl Scout Cookies.

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