I Hate Babies


This article is satire.  That means (in case you can’t be bothered to click the link) that it’s not meant to be read literally.  It’s a comment on many aspects of our culture, but actually has nothing to do with my beliefs about babies.  Which means that if you comment based solely upon the title, without reading the article or thinking about its content, you will simply look like a fool.  As exemplified by most of the previous comments.  Here’s hoping someone out there can be bothered to actually read seven lines of text before blathering.  If you do, you will have restored my faith in humanity.  Thanks.

***END NOTE***

I was reading over one of the terribly predictable unbelievably repetitive many debates about the “moral basis” for and against abortion today, when it suddenly hit me: I suppose I should blame society for making me feel it is not OK for a woman to hate babies. But once I had my epiphany, I have to say everything fell into place, and my position (thus far so terribly hard to justify) was suddenly crystal clear.

Let’s consider this rationally. Babies are not people. If they were people they would have some special clause in the Constitution defending their rights. But they don’t, and so clearly our forefathers recognized their non-people status. Realistically, if we granted babies people status, we would be on a slippery slope to a point where we grant other things “people” rights. Things such as homosexuals, goats, and even cockroaches. It’s a horrifying prospect. We must avoid that future at all costs. Continue reading

The Moon Is Made of Green Cheese

Some things are a question of faith, and some things are a matter of science. Wandering through my back yard at night, looking up at the glowing ball above me (as it whispers and beacons to lovers and wolves whom I have never met), one fact rises above the quagmire of doubt and debate to rap me smartly over the nose with a ruler of common sense: the moon is undoubtedly made of green cheese.

You may well laugh, but I ask you (with a haunted, greenish gaze): can you disprove it?

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